According to psychologist, Dr. Robert Holden, director of "The Happiness Project" (England) we all have what can be termed, 'a happiness contract'. What this means is that we've all completed - in the back of our minds - a happiness contract in which we've predetermined how much happiness is possible AND how much is too good to be true. This type of contract contains a central clause which states that happiness must be deserved. Happiness needn't be deserved, earned, given, or bestowed upon you. It is free and is a natural component of your true self.
It is quite difficult to know what makes you happy if you don't know yourself well. According to Dr. Holden, once you begin to know who you truly are, you can begin to cultivate true happiness. Focusing internally on your authenticity, rather than externally on achievements or other people, is key.
D.
Adapted from "Find True Happiness", Stephanie Mitchell, Oprah.com, August 18, 2009.
About Me
- Deborah K. Hanula
- Deborah K. Hanula has a year of Journalism training from Humber College, a Political Science degree from the University of Waterloo, and a Law degree from the University of British Columbia. In addition, she has Diplomas in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, and Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as a Family Life Educator and Coach Certificate and Certificates in Reflexology, Assertiveness Training, and Mindfulness Meditation. She is the author of five cookbooks, primarily concerned with gluten-free and dairy-free diets, although one pertains to chocolate. As an adult, in the past she worked primarily as a lawyer, but also as a university and college lecturer, a tutor, editor, writer, counsellor, researcher and piano teacher. She enjoys a multi-faceted approach when it comes to life, work and study, in order to keep things fresh and interesting. Check out her new book: A Murder of Crows & Other Poems (2023).
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Depressogenic Assumptions
According to Aaron T. Beck, one of the developing 'fathers' of Cognitive Therapy, certain assumptions/beliefs can predispose a person to depression and sadness. Some of these are:
- in order to be happy, I have to be successful in whatever I undertake;
- to be happy, I must be accepted by all people at all times;
- if I make a mistake, it means that I am inept;
- I can't live without you (usually a spouse or romantic partner);
- if someone disagrees with me, it means he/she doesn't like me;
- my value as a person depends on what others think of me.
Wow, that's a huge load to carry around in life. If you have been depressed for a long time, it may mean that you hold to these assumptions and the negative conclusions that arise from them with great tenacity. Your belief in them may come to you quite automatically, quite readily. You may not examine or doubt these views. These views may have become a significant part of your identity - as much a part of your identity as whether you are male or female. The certainty with which you hold these 'core' beliefs usually corresponds with the intensity of the depression.
It is important to note that these assumptions are LEARNED assumptions and at one time or another may have been articulated to you by others or were your interpretation of experiences that you had in the past, often during your childhood and teen years. They may be due to messaging from significant people in your life: attitudes or opinions of teachers, siblings, peers, parents, or others. Family 'rules' are usually factors in the construction of these assumptions: "be nice to people, or people won't like you and it means you are not a nice, lovable person if they like you but you don't like them back." "You are a bad person and so are unworthy or undeserving of love." (This messaging is how some children end up suffering sexual abuse committed by friends or relatives of their primary family. This is also how some children grow into explosive, angry teens or adults: they have been taught to always be nice to others, rather than taught healthy assertiveness in order to protect themselves both physically and psychologically during childhood and beyond.)
During cognitive therapy, a client and therapist work together to uncover these types of strongly and deeply held core assumptions. The client must, however, take the lead during this exploration. It is erroneous and detrimental to the client for the therapist to suggest what a client's core assumptions/beliefs are. The therapist can guide the client in the exploration and uncovering of these beliefs, and help to examine and dissect these beliefs, replacing them with healthier, more positive self-affirming ones.
D.
From Cognitive Therapy of Depression, A. T. Beck, A. J. Rush, B. F. Shaw, & G. Emery, Guildford Press, New York, 1979, pp. 244 - 247.
- in order to be happy, I have to be successful in whatever I undertake;
- to be happy, I must be accepted by all people at all times;
- if I make a mistake, it means that I am inept;
- I can't live without you (usually a spouse or romantic partner);
- if someone disagrees with me, it means he/she doesn't like me;
- my value as a person depends on what others think of me.
Wow, that's a huge load to carry around in life. If you have been depressed for a long time, it may mean that you hold to these assumptions and the negative conclusions that arise from them with great tenacity. Your belief in them may come to you quite automatically, quite readily. You may not examine or doubt these views. These views may have become a significant part of your identity - as much a part of your identity as whether you are male or female. The certainty with which you hold these 'core' beliefs usually corresponds with the intensity of the depression.
It is important to note that these assumptions are LEARNED assumptions and at one time or another may have been articulated to you by others or were your interpretation of experiences that you had in the past, often during your childhood and teen years. They may be due to messaging from significant people in your life: attitudes or opinions of teachers, siblings, peers, parents, or others. Family 'rules' are usually factors in the construction of these assumptions: "be nice to people, or people won't like you and it means you are not a nice, lovable person if they like you but you don't like them back." "You are a bad person and so are unworthy or undeserving of love." (This messaging is how some children end up suffering sexual abuse committed by friends or relatives of their primary family. This is also how some children grow into explosive, angry teens or adults: they have been taught to always be nice to others, rather than taught healthy assertiveness in order to protect themselves both physically and psychologically during childhood and beyond.)
During cognitive therapy, a client and therapist work together to uncover these types of strongly and deeply held core assumptions. The client must, however, take the lead during this exploration. It is erroneous and detrimental to the client for the therapist to suggest what a client's core assumptions/beliefs are. The therapist can guide the client in the exploration and uncovering of these beliefs, and help to examine and dissect these beliefs, replacing them with healthier, more positive self-affirming ones.
D.
From Cognitive Therapy of Depression, A. T. Beck, A. J. Rush, B. F. Shaw, & G. Emery, Guildford Press, New York, 1979, pp. 244 - 247.
Choices For Contentment
Question of the day: what is needed in order to create an enduring kind of contentment that no one can take away from you? How do you create a contentment (or, if you prefer, a happiness or inner peace) that is so established in your core self that external events cannot take it away?
According to wisdom guru, Deepak Chopra, certain choices made along the road of life can determine whether your contentment ebbs and flows with the times, or whether it becomes an inner rock which buoys you as external events attempt to disquiet or disturb you.
According to Chopra, consider undertaking the following:
- meditate , which can open up deeper levels of the mind
- take actions that benefit others
- nurture social relationships that support intimacy and bonding
- find inspiration through reading the world’s scriptures and poetry
- find enjoyment in natural beauty
- have a vision of personal fulfillment that you follow each day
- aim for inner fulfillment rather than external fulfillment
- find ways to reduce stress
- take time for peaceful reflection
- learn to love your own company, cultivate the self as a state of being
- eschew anger and violence in all its forms, gross and subtle
- resolve conflicts, both inner and outer, rather than letting them build up
- pay one’s debt to the past, which means healing old hurts and grievances
- step away from group think and second-hand opinions
- give up a belief in enemies and us-versus-them thinking
- cultivate kindness and compassion
- be generous of spirit and learn to give
- see yourself as part of a larger humanity, and humanity itself as an expression of the divine, despite the flaws.
To this I would add a mantra: conduct yourself with grace, kindness and dignity. Some see kindness as a weakness; don’t buy into that.
It’s a long list which does, indeed, require a shift in perspective. Everything you once thought and believed you will now have to see through a new lense and in a new light: something to strive for, to work towards, and something which I believe is attainable.
As you will likely have noticed, some of the points noted above do overlap. For instance, being generous of spirit and learning to give can be equated with taking actions that benefit others. A way to reduce stress could be through peaceful reflection and that could occur while finding enjoyment in natural beauty while cultivating inner fulfillment. I do not mean to be flippant, just to argue that the points are not so separate as to induce exhaustion or a feeling of being overwhelmed while trying to achieve them: that would, indeed, defeat the purpose. And, the overall purpose is to walk the path of vidya, which can be richly defined as “the way to reach the truth” which actually means “knowledge” in Sanskrit. Take what you will from the previous sentence - accept it, or throw it away, it doesn’t really matter - because the true goal is inner peace – contentment – happiness which can only benefit you and others.
D.
D.
(This article was adapted from “Why Choice Is the Way to Happiness” by Deepak Chopra, oprah.com, April 14, 2010.)
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Sincere Apology
Seems that a sincere apology is crucial to our mental and physical health. Research has shown that receiving a genuine apology has a positive physical effect on the body of the receiver: the heart rate slows, blood pressure decreases, and breathing becomes more regular. Apology also has a positive emotional effect on the receiver: he can move beyond anger as he avoids staying focused on something that happened in the past; it paves the way for him to forgive; he no longer perceives the wrongdoer as a personal threat; and he will feel understood and acknowledged.
When someone provides an apology to us, instead of seeing that person through a screen of anger and bitterness, we see him/her as a fallible, vulnerable human being - a human just like us. This moves us towards empathy and compassion - both of which are positive results - provided the apology is sincere and not simply a manipulation. As well, it loses effect if it simply paves the way for repetition of the same misdeeds
or mistakes in the future.
Sincere apologies also benefit the so-called 'wrongdoer'. Making a sincere apology can rid us of esteem-robbing self-reproach and guilt. Otherwise, the guilt and remorse we may feel when we've wronged or hurt another person may eat away at us until we makes ourselves ill, both physically and emotionally.
When we develop the courage to admit that we did something wrong, we can develop a deep sense of self-respect. This helps us to remain emotionally connected to those we have hurt. If we know we have wronged someone, we may distance ourselves, both emotionally and physically, causing intimacy to suffer. Sincere apology can also act as a deterrent against committing future acts which hurt the other person.
D.
Psychology Today, July/August 2002, "Making Amends", Beverly Engel, pp. 40 - 42.
When someone provides an apology to us, instead of seeing that person through a screen of anger and bitterness, we see him/her as a fallible, vulnerable human being - a human just like us. This moves us towards empathy and compassion - both of which are positive results - provided the apology is sincere and not simply a manipulation. As well, it loses effect if it simply paves the way for repetition of the same misdeeds
or mistakes in the future.
Sincere apologies also benefit the so-called 'wrongdoer'. Making a sincere apology can rid us of esteem-robbing self-reproach and guilt. Otherwise, the guilt and remorse we may feel when we've wronged or hurt another person may eat away at us until we makes ourselves ill, both physically and emotionally.
When we develop the courage to admit that we did something wrong, we can develop a deep sense of self-respect. This helps us to remain emotionally connected to those we have hurt. If we know we have wronged someone, we may distance ourselves, both emotionally and physically, causing intimacy to suffer. Sincere apology can also act as a deterrent against committing future acts which hurt the other person.
D.
Psychology Today, July/August 2002, "Making Amends", Beverly Engel, pp. 40 - 42.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Amyloid Plaques of Alzheimer's Disease
A recent study which utilized brain imaging scans suggests the following: that people who have remained mentally active throughout their lives develop fewer beta amyloid plaques. This new study is not about the brain's response to amyloid (which the older studies dealt with), but rather, it is about the actual accumulation of amyloid. Beta amyloid is the protein that many scientists believe causes Alzheimer's disease. It is this protein that is found in the plaques of the brains of people who suffer from Alzheimer's.
According to Dr. William Jagust of the University of California at Berkely, this is a brand new finding. This recent study was spearheaded by Dr. Jagust whose report appears in the most recent edition of the Archives of Neurology.
The study, however, has two important weaknesses, though one of its strengths lies in the fact that brain imaging was utilized. The weaknesses are: it was a small group that was studied and the study relied on the memory of the participants' mental activity from age 6 and after.
With respect to the brain imaging that was used in the study, the compound used to visualize areas of the brain is known as PiB (Pittsburgh Compound B) which works with PET (positron emission tomography) scans to show the beta amyloid deposits. PiB sticks to the deposits so they can be visualized by investigators.
The study itself looked at the brains of 65 healthy, cognitively intact people aged 60 and above. These participants were asked myriad questions with respect to how mentally active they had been during different periods of their lives, beginning at age 6.
The questions covered topics like emails, game playing, newspaper reading, library outings, and letter writing. Their memories and thinking skills were assessed and PET scans were conducted in order to locate any amyloid deposits in the brain. The researchers then compared the brain scans with those of 10 patients with Alzheimer's and 11 healthy people in their 20's.
The investigation revealed that people who had been the most mentally active throughout their lives had the least amount of beta amyloid deposit than the others who had been less mentally active.
Furthermore, according to Susan Landau, another researcher from Berkeley who worked on the study, the data suggested that a whole lifetime of mental activity has a bigger effect than does mental activity just in older age. Amyloid probably starts accumulating many years before symptoms appear, so by the time memory problems start, there is little that can be done.
D.
This article was based on the following: "Brain Exercises Prevent Alzheimer's Proteins", January 24, 2012, Newsmax Health, a publication of Reuters, found at www.newsmaxhealth.com
According to Dr. William Jagust of the University of California at Berkely, this is a brand new finding. This recent study was spearheaded by Dr. Jagust whose report appears in the most recent edition of the Archives of Neurology.
The study, however, has two important weaknesses, though one of its strengths lies in the fact that brain imaging was utilized. The weaknesses are: it was a small group that was studied and the study relied on the memory of the participants' mental activity from age 6 and after.
With respect to the brain imaging that was used in the study, the compound used to visualize areas of the brain is known as PiB (Pittsburgh Compound B) which works with PET (positron emission tomography) scans to show the beta amyloid deposits. PiB sticks to the deposits so they can be visualized by investigators.
The study itself looked at the brains of 65 healthy, cognitively intact people aged 60 and above. These participants were asked myriad questions with respect to how mentally active they had been during different periods of their lives, beginning at age 6.
The questions covered topics like emails, game playing, newspaper reading, library outings, and letter writing. Their memories and thinking skills were assessed and PET scans were conducted in order to locate any amyloid deposits in the brain. The researchers then compared the brain scans with those of 10 patients with Alzheimer's and 11 healthy people in their 20's.
The investigation revealed that people who had been the most mentally active throughout their lives had the least amount of beta amyloid deposit than the others who had been less mentally active.
Furthermore, according to Susan Landau, another researcher from Berkeley who worked on the study, the data suggested that a whole lifetime of mental activity has a bigger effect than does mental activity just in older age. Amyloid probably starts accumulating many years before symptoms appear, so by the time memory problems start, there is little that can be done.
D.
This article was based on the following: "Brain Exercises Prevent Alzheimer's Proteins", January 24, 2012, Newsmax Health, a publication of Reuters, found at www.newsmaxhealth.com
Monday, January 23, 2012
Signs of Deception
Contrary to popular beliefs promulgated by television police dramas, there are no sure 'tells' that a person is trying to deceive you. A lack of eye contact, facial tics, swallowing hard, hesitations in speaking, a quavering voice or vague descriptive answers can all be signs of lying - but they can also be signs of anxiety, nervousness, or simply be personal quirks, cultural differences, or deviations from the normal population. For example, a person who buries her head in her hands, takes a deep breath before speaking, then hesitates while closing her eyes for a split second is just as apt to be disclosing a painful truth as she is to be stating a falsehood.
Unless trained, most people wouldn't even recognize signs of deceit, nor would they necessarily know how to correctly interpret them even if they did notice them. Successful determinations of deception depend on successfully decoding shades of emotion. According to Dr. Paul Ekman, an eminent psychologist and researcher who has studied deception for over 30 years: "You have to be able to read an emotion that a person is aware of, recognize emotions that a person is experiencing that he or she is unaware of, and recognize emotions that people are aware of but don't want you to know." (1) The most reliable signals of deception pertain to the cognitive effort and emotion that surround the lie itself. Deception pertaining to emotion is the most difficult for most people - trained or untrained - to discern.
Tiny flashes of expression (termed 'microexpressions') which show on an individual's face for only the briefest amount of time - less than a mere second - are key. Things like fear, or anger, or perhaps a compressed smile may flash across a face revealing much more than the person himself realizes that he is revealing. One example which quickly comes to mind, is of a young woman being asked whether or not she took fifty dollars from an envelope. Her eyes do a pretty good job at conveying sincerity when she denies having taken the money, but her microexpression of a very brief pout gives away her lie because it does not fit with her other facial expressions, nor does it fit with the words she is speaking. Additionally, while speaking, changes in word usage, word flow, tone, or voice pitch may signal the extra cognitive power that is required to lie.
Accurate signal reading is only the first step in decoding lies. Why an emotion is in play is the next piece of the puzzle. In other words, what motivates this person in this moment?
A baseline reading allows an interviewer to distinguish between a personal quirk and a 'tell' or 'hotspot'. Some people are naturally jittery, agitated, or move around a lot even when relaxed. Others are not. Hot spots show up as contradictions in behaviour or demeanour: a gesture (like the graze of a hand against the forehead), or the shaking of the head from side to side indicating 'no' when stating how much they like/love someone (a technique well-used in the world of soap opera characters), can be revealing as can the type and direction of a gaze. Hotspots don't necessarily signal deception per se, but rather they may simply suggest that there is more to the matter than first meets the eye. If you call out ' a lie' you could very well be wrong, but a hotspot is never wrong if it is simply used to notice that a person's account of a situation or event is not consistent with how he or she normally displays information. Training in the differences between cultures is essential here.
A shrewd interviewer foments hotspots - he doesn't just look for them. One highly trained FBI investigator found a fugitive hiding in his mother's closet after he questioned the mother several times with respect to her son's whereabouts. Each time the mother was asked if the son was in the home, her hand went to, and lingered on, the suprasternal notch just below the neck as she stated that she did not know where he was. Research had previously shown this to be a protective gesture that indicates discomfort, especially in women. (In men, stroking of the neck is the more likely gesture.) The mother's consistent denials were to no avail: a search of the house was launched and her son was found hiding in a bedroom closet.
While microexpressions, gestures and gazes are all critical cues to discomfort (and possible deception), words also play a key role. Verbal signals that important facts may have been omitted include qualifying words like 'sometimes' and 'most of the time' and words that provide opportunities to omit facts such as 'so' and 'while'.
The speed-reading of multiple incoming messages - words, gestures, gaze, microexpressions - add up to expert intuition. The more that recognizing the basics becomes automatic, the more room the questioner has left for evaluation and the higher the success rate in the detection of deception.
Good 'lie detectors' can often be found working as therapists, writers, lawyers and, of course, as law enforcement officers. Many of these people have inborn talents like visual acuity, pattern recognition and emotional sensitivity. They also have the motivation to read people. One study has found that children raised in adverse circumstances have more highly tuned radar for detecting lies than do those raised in stable environments.
D.
(1) and (2) Psychology Today, "Secrets of Special Agents", Kaja Perina, p. 61 and p. 63.
Unless trained, most people wouldn't even recognize signs of deceit, nor would they necessarily know how to correctly interpret them even if they did notice them. Successful determinations of deception depend on successfully decoding shades of emotion. According to Dr. Paul Ekman, an eminent psychologist and researcher who has studied deception for over 30 years: "You have to be able to read an emotion that a person is aware of, recognize emotions that a person is experiencing that he or she is unaware of, and recognize emotions that people are aware of but don't want you to know." (1) The most reliable signals of deception pertain to the cognitive effort and emotion that surround the lie itself. Deception pertaining to emotion is the most difficult for most people - trained or untrained - to discern.
Tiny flashes of expression (termed 'microexpressions') which show on an individual's face for only the briefest amount of time - less than a mere second - are key. Things like fear, or anger, or perhaps a compressed smile may flash across a face revealing much more than the person himself realizes that he is revealing. One example which quickly comes to mind, is of a young woman being asked whether or not she took fifty dollars from an envelope. Her eyes do a pretty good job at conveying sincerity when she denies having taken the money, but her microexpression of a very brief pout gives away her lie because it does not fit with her other facial expressions, nor does it fit with the words she is speaking. Additionally, while speaking, changes in word usage, word flow, tone, or voice pitch may signal the extra cognitive power that is required to lie.
Accurate signal reading is only the first step in decoding lies. Why an emotion is in play is the next piece of the puzzle. In other words, what motivates this person in this moment?
Establishing rapport with a person puts that person at ease, and asking innocuous questions provides a baseline against which the answers to more probing questions can be measured. It is possible to obtain a baseline simply by observing a person. In addition to facial expressions (both macro and micro), body language is an essential piece of the puzzle. "Gestures are often deployed in moments of stress, making them all the more critical to grasp, because stressful reactions are worthy of further exploration." (2)
A baseline reading allows an interviewer to distinguish between a personal quirk and a 'tell' or 'hotspot'. Some people are naturally jittery, agitated, or move around a lot even when relaxed. Others are not. Hot spots show up as contradictions in behaviour or demeanour: a gesture (like the graze of a hand against the forehead), or the shaking of the head from side to side indicating 'no' when stating how much they like/love someone (a technique well-used in the world of soap opera characters), can be revealing as can the type and direction of a gaze. Hotspots don't necessarily signal deception per se, but rather they may simply suggest that there is more to the matter than first meets the eye. If you call out ' a lie' you could very well be wrong, but a hotspot is never wrong if it is simply used to notice that a person's account of a situation or event is not consistent with how he or she normally displays information. Training in the differences between cultures is essential here.
A shrewd interviewer foments hotspots - he doesn't just look for them. One highly trained FBI investigator found a fugitive hiding in his mother's closet after he questioned the mother several times with respect to her son's whereabouts. Each time the mother was asked if the son was in the home, her hand went to, and lingered on, the suprasternal notch just below the neck as she stated that she did not know where he was. Research had previously shown this to be a protective gesture that indicates discomfort, especially in women. (In men, stroking of the neck is the more likely gesture.) The mother's consistent denials were to no avail: a search of the house was launched and her son was found hiding in a bedroom closet.
While microexpressions, gestures and gazes are all critical cues to discomfort (and possible deception), words also play a key role. Verbal signals that important facts may have been omitted include qualifying words like 'sometimes' and 'most of the time' and words that provide opportunities to omit facts such as 'so' and 'while'.
The speed-reading of multiple incoming messages - words, gestures, gaze, microexpressions - add up to expert intuition. The more that recognizing the basics becomes automatic, the more room the questioner has left for evaluation and the higher the success rate in the detection of deception.
Good 'lie detectors' can often be found working as therapists, writers, lawyers and, of course, as law enforcement officers. Many of these people have inborn talents like visual acuity, pattern recognition and emotional sensitivity. They also have the motivation to read people. One study has found that children raised in adverse circumstances have more highly tuned radar for detecting lies than do those raised in stable environments.
D.
(1) and (2) Psychology Today, "Secrets of Special Agents", Kaja Perina, p. 61 and p. 63.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Alzheimer's News and High Blood Pressure
According to an article in the December 13th, 2011 issue of The Globe and Mail newspaper, scientists at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada are currently working on a procedure to prevent the development of the degenerative plaques which form in the brain which lead to Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. These plaques interfere with connections between neurons thereby leading to memory and other hallmark losses in functioning which are associated with types of dementia. Despite the fact that Alzheimer's is not understood to be an immune disorder, but a neurological one, scientists foresee that a type of immunotherapy or vaccination would be the procedure of choice in order to inoculate people against it. Estimates are that this type of treatment is at least four years away.
In the meantime, we have to do what we can to try to prevent this disorder. One thing that seems to be a factor in the development of Alzheimer's (and other types of dementia) is high blood pressure.
The small arteries of the brain are quite sensitive to elevations in blood pressure. Long-term hypertension carries the risk of injury to these small vessels, impairing blood flow and resulting in damage to, and atrophy of, brain tissue. Our risk of developing vascular dementia, Alzheimer's disease, or some form of cognitive impairment increases with the development of hypertension.
It turns out that high diastolic pressure at age 50 predicts poor cognitive function at age 70. High systolic pressure (in, or above, the range of 140 - 160) is associated with white matter lesions - a type of brain tissue damage that forms due to poor circulation - and an increased risk of developing dementia. (1)
D.
(1) "High Blood Pressure Increases Dementia Risk", January 19, 2011, Deana Ferreri, www.diseaseproof.com
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