According to George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D. the author of The Resilient Child, the most essential lesson a parent can teach a child is the ability to cope with stress and adversity. "This is known as resilience, which can be thought of as the ability to be resistant to stress (a kind of immunity), as well as the ability to rebound from adversity. It also may be the critical difference between happiness and regret, success or failure." (p.8)
If a parent can school a child in resilience, then when adversity comes his way when he is no longer living at home, and he doesn't need a parent in order to deal with it, then the parent will know that she has been successful. One of the best things one can do as a parent, beyond unconditionally loving and accepting a child for who he is, and providing the basic necessities of life such as nutritional food and safe shelter, is to strive to make the role as parent obsolete.
In order to meet the objective of building resilience in a child, we must allow children, teach children, to develop the inner strength that makes all things possible. A powerful set of actions, beliefs and codes is vital. Together, these form the core strength of personal character.
Everly describes seven essential lessons for building resilience in a child and calls these lessons the ABC's of creating and supporting inner strength. A stands for Actions, B for Beliefs and C, of course, stands for Codes.
The first four lessons discuss actions. Lesson #1 calls for the building of strong relationships with friends and mentors. Lesson #2 calls for the courage to make difficult decisions. Lesson #3 teaches responsibility: the child must own his own actions. The fourth lesson discusses self-investment: the best way for the child to help others and himself is to stay healthy. I would add that actions towards supporting health require willpower/self-control/self-discipline - a key element in the formula required for leading a successful life.
Everly goes on to write that actions need support from beliefs. Lesson #5 is learned or natural optimism. Learn to think on the bright side and to use the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy. Lesson #6 covers the development of faith: the belief in something greater than yourself.
Finally, Everly discusses the code and writes that it is "an overarching set of principles or rules that ultimately serves to guide all of a person's actions." (p.10) Follow a moral compass and strive to have integrity.
Everly believes that these lessons can help children develop the inner strength of character needed to create the resiliency required to face the challenges in life. What a gift to give to our children: to have resilience regardless of the events they may encounter in their lives.
D.
The Resilient Child: Seven Essential Lessons for your Child's Happiness and Success, George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D., The Johns Hopkins University Bloomberg School of Public Health, Center for Public Health Preparedness, Loyola College in Maryland, and The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Sloane Brown, DiaMedica Publishing, 2009.
About Me
- Deborah K. Hanula
- Deborah K. Hanula has a year of Journalism training from Humber College, a Political Science degree from the University of Waterloo, and a Law degree from the University of British Columbia. In addition, she has Diplomas in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, and Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as a Family Life Educator and Coach Certificate and Certificates in Reflexology, Assertiveness Training, and Mindfulness Meditation. She is the author of five cookbooks, primarily concerned with gluten-free and dairy-free diets, although one pertains to chocolate. As an adult, in the past she worked primarily as a lawyer, but also as a university and college lecturer, a tutor, editor, writer, counsellor, researcher and piano teacher. She enjoys a multi-faceted approach when it comes to life, work and study, in order to keep things fresh and interesting. Check out her new book: A Murder of Crows & Other Poems (2023).
