A strong trait that initially attracts you to a mate can often become, to you, your mate's most annoying feature. According to an article in the January/February 2012 edition of Scientific American Mind, repeated exposure, disillusionment and the day to day contact in a long-term relationship go a long way toward making each other's traits more annoying than the quirks of other people. "Learning to reclassify annoying behaviors, increasing awareness of one's own flaws and sharing new experiences can help turn those peccadilloes back into perks." (1)
Extreme traits in individuals tend to be valued and awarded. For instance, strong independence in a person can be highly valued in today's society. Turn this trait around though, and after some time has passed in a relationship, the partner who is 'too independent' may leave his mate feeling quite unneeded. That can spell death for a relationship.
Other so-called positive qualities can also be viewed from the opposite end of the spectrum so they become highly irksome:
- People who are nice and agreeable can later be seen as weak-willed and passive;
- People who are strong-willed can later appear stubborn and unreasonable;
- Extraverted, lively people can later be seen as non-stop performers who always have to be the center of attention;
- The caring suitor, who listens well and responds to your every need can later be seen as clingy and needy;
- An exciting risk taker can come across over time as an irresponsible parent;
- A physically attractive partner can later be viewed as 'high-maintenance';
- Laid back can later be seen as lazy; and
- The driven, high-achieving partner can later be seen as a workaholic. (2)
D.
(1) and (2), Scientific American Mind, January/February 2012, "The Partnership Paradox", J. Palca and F. Lichtman, p. 61.
About Me
- Deborah K. Hanula
- Deborah K. Hanula has a year of Journalism training from Humber College, a Political Science degree from the University of Waterloo, and a Law degree from the University of British Columbia. In addition, she has Diplomas in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, and Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as a Family Life Educator and Coach Certificate and Certificates in Reflexology, Assertiveness Training, and Mindfulness Meditation. She is the author of five cookbooks, primarily concerned with gluten-free and dairy-free diets, although one pertains to chocolate. As an adult, in the past she worked primarily as a lawyer, but also as a university and college lecturer, a tutor, editor, writer, counsellor, researcher and piano teacher. She enjoys a multi-faceted approach when it comes to life, work and study, in order to keep things fresh and interesting. Check out her new book: A Murder of Crows & Other Poems (2023).
