Seems that a sincere apology is crucial to our mental and physical health. Research has shown that receiving a genuine apology has a positive physical effect on the body of the receiver: the heart rate slows, blood pressure decreases, and breathing becomes more regular. Apology also has a positive emotional effect on the receiver: he can move beyond anger as he avoids staying focused on something that happened in the past; it paves the way for him to forgive; he no longer perceives the wrongdoer as a personal threat; and he will feel understood and acknowledged.
When someone provides an apology to us, instead of seeing that person through a screen of anger and bitterness, we see him/her as a fallible, vulnerable human being - a human just like us. This moves us towards empathy and compassion - both of which are positive results - provided the apology is sincere and not simply a manipulation. As well, it loses effect if it simply paves the way for repetition of the same misdeeds
or mistakes in the future.
Sincere apologies also benefit the so-called 'wrongdoer'. Making a sincere apology can rid us of esteem-robbing self-reproach and guilt. Otherwise, the guilt and remorse we may feel when we've wronged or hurt another person may eat away at us until we makes ourselves ill, both physically and emotionally.
When we develop the courage to admit that we did something wrong, we can develop a deep sense of self-respect. This helps us to remain emotionally connected to those we have hurt. If we know we have wronged someone, we may distance ourselves, both emotionally and physically, causing intimacy to suffer. Sincere apology can also act as a deterrent against committing future acts which hurt the other person.
D.
Psychology Today, July/August 2002, "Making Amends", Beverly Engel, pp. 40 - 42.
About Me
- Deborah K. Hanula
- Deborah K. Hanula has a year of Journalism training from Humber College, a Political Science degree from the University of Waterloo, and a Law degree from the University of British Columbia. In addition, she has Diplomas in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, and Psychotherapy and Counselling as well as a Family Life Educator and Coach Certificate and Certificates in Reflexology, Assertiveness Training, and Mindfulness Meditation. She is the author of five cookbooks, primarily concerned with gluten-free and dairy-free diets, although one pertains to chocolate. As an adult, in the past she worked primarily as a lawyer, but also as a university and college lecturer, a tutor, editor, writer, counsellor, researcher and piano teacher. She enjoys a multi-faceted approach when it comes to life, work and study, in order to keep things fresh and interesting. Check out her new book: A Murder of Crows & Other Poems (2023).
